Comedy Screenwriting (funny or not, it all depends)

Comedy screenwriting is something I like to read and watch but I tend to regretfully write it. This month’s focus was upon comedy/tragedy screenwriting and this focus was designed to aid students in knowing what is funny and what is tragic. I think the intention was to make sure we are capable of editing other’s work in that genre and also be able to create our own screenplay pieces.

The entire Portfolio project was to revise our previous work, twice. Brevity was a requirement and we were given notes about our first revision and instructed to use that instruction in our second revision.

The text for this class was Laughing Out Loud by Andrew Horton. The book read more like a history of comedy and some of the comedy is just out-dated. It would probably be better for most laymen to buy David Trottier’s The Screenwriter’s Bible and then watch some modern comedy and read the corresponding screenplays. Screenwriting comedy is a challenge for me.

Really, the mix of imagery with dialogue or situation is the trick that most focus upon in the modern world. Writing may not be funny until a certain actor is chosen and the scene placed onto film.

The following is my last discussion entry and focuses upon how I view comedy. It really will vary for different people.

***

The huge muscle-bound black man with a shaved head is knitting his brow in consternation.

                  CON

         Huh?

                  COUNSELOR

         Why do you say you feel "trapped" in

         a man's body?

                  CON

         Oh...

     He bites his lip, thinking; then, in a resonant bass voice:

                  CON

         ...Well, sometimes I get the menstrual

         cramps real hard.

I can’t even begin to express what a huge Raising Arizona fan I am. Ethan and Joel Cohen are two of my favorite screenwriter/directors in all of the industry. Raising Arizona’s humor is the perfect type of humor. I am hard to please due to the fact that I got to see this movie at a very young age and have been comparing comedy to it ever since.

I’m not going to give a scientific explanation as to why the above excerpt is hilarious. I will explain it according to some rules I have picked up along my journey as a writer. When contrast is used within a film, delivering dialogue or imagery that is completely unexpected tends to create whatever reaction the writer wants to happen. Just like placing a baby’s laughter in the night and in middle of the woods created fear in The Blair Witch, this dialogue exchange above created laughter. Nobody expects a huge muscle-bound black guy to have any feminine qualities. Yet, this one is convinced he is a woman trapped in a man’s body due to “real hard” menstrual cramps. If a skinny and feminine man had delivered the dialogue, it would have lost a lot of depth to the humor.

This type of humor is more common now. It is very similar to someone like Milton Berle dressing up like a woman and performing skits. The skits themselves lose the level of comedic value if it is an actual woman performing them. I grew up watching people like Carol Burnette and Tim Conway. This type of humor was what made these stars into some of the most hilarious comedians the world will ever know. Something as simple as dialogue by itself does not serve the comedy. It is the mix of imagery and the actual words that create the humor.

Understanding how imagery enforces dialogue has helped my writing immensely. I tend to prefer suspense and horror writing and without this understanding, the fear factor within my writing could not exist. For example, it is much the same type of thing to have a 90-year-old woman lift a 200lb man in the air and toss him. Such a thing doesn’t compute because it isn’t natural or something we experience. Having a muscle-bound man experiencing menstrual cramps, and then making that man a black prisoner is the exact opposite of what we would expect of someone like that.

Raising Arizons is in my DVD collection for a reason. It is one of the greatest comic achievements in history.

Coen, E. (Writer), & Coen, J. (Writer) (1987). Raising Arizona [Screenplay]

***

Now, we were instructed to use Laughing Out Loud as a possible source to solidify our arguments. I am a rebel, I don’t agree with a lot of what Mr. Horton wrote, and so I stepped out on a limb and decided why things are funny and I did it with my own opinion. I don’t think I need the weight of someone else in order that my argument be weighted. 

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing but respect for Mr. Horton. He just has a different sense of humor than I do. His view makes comedy a bit too scientific for my taste.

"Come at once to supper And bring your pitcher, and your supper chest, The priest of Bacchus sends to fetch you thither. And do be quick: you keep the supper waiting.”

That type of thing may have been funny at one time, but that time has long passed.

I happen to think that my Portfolio comedy script (it is a much longer piece, Revision One received an A and I believe this Revision will be an A+ or:

'Perfect (or near perfect)

Professional, solid, engaging, inspiring, and daring

Delivers palpable tension and strong characters, dialogue, and plot

Sets a high bar for the class

Simply stated, work of this level is how careers are created’)

is the type of comedy more akin to what is being made today.


(I copy and paste directly from Final Draft and so the format is a bit tight.)

SPACE
The Earth spins as the VOICES of multitudes of PEOPLE resemble the ocean. A TOKE on an unseen JOINT is slowly pulled into lungs and then released.
CHARLIE (V.O.)
Karma. It’s sharp on both ends. Most don’t believe in it, or they believe in it and think it’s a pudding-like substance with or without sugar and it gathers up around us and makes our existence what it is.
Falling to Earth.
INT. BENNY’S BURGERS - EVENING
CHARLIE WILLIAMSON, 37, stands at the burger counter dressed in his dirty and colorful Benny’s Burgers uniform.
CHARLIE (V.O.)
My karma is the unsweetened kind.
Charlie leans onto the counter and eyes around the lounge surreptitiously.
There is nobody.
Charlie slides back to the burger and fries shoot where a the last of the evenings prepared burgers and fries sit awaiting the trash. Charlie grabs two paper wrapped burgers. FOOTSTEPS and JINGLING KEYS come from the lounge area. Charlie fumbles and looks startled and then pulls the baggy uniform pants out and stuffs the burgers inside. They are still hot and he dances and makes pained faces.
MANAGER
Charlie...
Charlie turns to face the short, bald and ridiculous looking man. Charlie feigns uncomfortable smiles while holding his hands over his groin.
MANAGER (CONT’D)
You can go early, Meredith and me can shut down, you’re closing in on 40 so I’m taking you off the schedule until further notice.
Charlie just stands still feigning painful smiles and holding his hands over his groin.
The manager puzzles at Charlie’s strange demeanor.
MANAGER (CONT’D)
Are you stoned? Clock out. Now! You have got to be the weirdest...
The manager turns and stomps off grumbling insults under his breath.
Charlie stands looking after the manager.
CHARLIE (V.O.)
They say we are the creators of our own fortunes.
Charlie adjusts the package in his pants as his face seems to relax as the burgers’ sting cools. He starts toward the back.
CHARLIE (V.O.)
I’m resigned to think that karma is a just a bitch.
EXT. BENNY’S BURGERS - LATER
Charlie exits the restaurant wearing a toboggan while fumbling in his jacket pocket. He pulls a pack of smokes free and leans back against the wall as he pulls a lighter free and slides a cigarette from the pack into his mouth. He lights it. He leans his head back, closes his eyes and takes a long draw. Multiple DOGS GROWLING. Charlie opens his eyes.
Charlie slowly looks down and toward the growls.
Three dogs, two mutts led by a large Doberman, stand eying him from across the parking lot.
Charlie immediately grabs the bulge at his groin and turns toward the rusted CIVIC parked at the other end of the lot. He starts to run.
The dogs take this as a game and lay chase.
Charlie lifts one hand from his groin and begins to fumble in one of his jacket pockets. The burgers begin to slide down the legs of his pants and Charlie is running awkwardly attempting to gather his keys and keep possession of the burgers.
CHARLIE (V.O.)
When your life is in question you always start thinking about how it all began. For me, it was when I was seven. Seven is supposed to be lucky.

Then it just goes to the past and explains a bit about Charlie’s burger flippin’ beginnings. It is far from perfect but you get the idea. Any of this stuff within the screenplay can be or may not be, funny. It all depends on who the actor is and how the cinematographer and director handle my intentions.

Can you picture it?

Bitcoins - Wikileaks and Hashing and Julian Assange - Don’t be a dope

I have been studying up on this Bitcoin phenomenon. I find it interesting that this whole “anonymous” money thing began due to Julian Assange’s legal and financial woes. Bitcoins are way for Mr. Assange to have money without having money. They are easily transferable to any currency in the entire world due to the desire to own large amounts by anyone attempting to purchase anything illegal or anything legal.

The way in which Bitcoins are obtained is the interesting part. Of course, you can always just purchase an amount with whatever currency that is common in your part of the world. OR, you can mine for them with your CPU, GPU or FPGA hashing power.

I find it amazing that the thought has never occurred to anyone but those that have any background in Computer Science know that Bitcoin block hashing is very very similar to password cracking. Can you imagine a world in which millions of people set up powerful, energy sucking, Bitcoin mining rigs that deliver all of their computing power to one source? Well, that world is now in its infancy. The reward is the Bitcoin but the payout isn’t really worth it due to the amount that reads "Pay Now" on your electricity bill at the end of each month. The entire market inspires electricity theft, an energy crisis, surreptitious world wide web activity, an entire website devoted to the trade of illegal drugs purchased with the Bitcoin and poses to destabilize every government currency in the world. All brought to you by that notable organization known as Wikileaks and that fine gentleman known as Julian Assange.

You might think this is conspiracy talk. I did. I spent last month inspecting all of this and was surprised to discover (yes, by deep cover inspection :P, I even experimented with a miner and visited this Silk Roads with TOR, look it up... it is insane what can be purchased with a lot of risk involved) that it all is absolutely a fact. If you ever have understood any man to be dangerous, Julian Assange is the most intelligent and most dangerous person alive today. This is not a political directive. I sincerely believe that the Bitcoin mining process is an attempt to harness your computer for illicit purposes. It doesn’t take a computer scientist to start mining but it does take a computer scientist to comprehend what kind of damage all of those GPUS pointed toward one source can do.

Why would anyone give Mr. Assange (who is probably responsible for a lot of top secret servers being hacked into) all of that hacking power? When he was under threat of arrest, the world saw that he is the leader of a huge organization of hackers. Britain even backed down due to this fact. The power of shutting down economies and government communications is very formidable.

I’d suggest to stay away from the Bitcoin if you value your privacy. Soon, the FBI and CIA will be knocking on doors or just breaking them down. They may be doing it already.

Take it from someone who knows. It is not untraceable. They already have a whole department tracking it. :)

Screenwriting (a few hard and fast rules)

I have been off writing for quite some time. I will return with some interesting new insights after having formal reviews by Carol Chiodini (Nickelodeon, Kenan and Kel, The Blair Witch producers, real cool lady).

I have learned so much about do’s and don’t’s. The truth is, it is a very confusing field of study and there seems to be a lot of opposing views and everyone has a different idea of what is right and what is wrong.

Let’s just cover some very hard and fast rules to writing your own screenplay that you want to sell. (spec)

1) Don’t number the scenes. It’s unnecessary. They’ll do that later so don’t waste space.
2) Use as few words as you can get by with. Don’t waste space. Say it so it is understood and move on.
3) Don’t be flowery. That uses a lot of words and it simply is not needed.
3) Rewrite, rewrite and rewrite. Chop it down and make it cleaner. Less words, good.
4) Be clear. Who is flashing back. Who is dreaming. More words. It is ok to be clear if it isn’t clear. So rewrite and keep a look out.
5) Read produced scripts. Read more produced scripts. Read them again and again and over and over and more and more.

Do this and you are on your way to getting really good. Read up on what successful writers have to say and remember their way is not your way. After a screenwriter gets successful, they tend to forget that they are already successful and have liberties that you do not have. Selling one screenplay tends to make your name stick out on a buyer’s desk.

This is pretty much what I learned under Carol’s advisement. I made an A too so let’s get back to writing and learning. It never ends.

The War on Drugs

Do you know who the biggest supporters of the war on drugs are? Drug dealers.

On April 11th, 2012, Washington Post writer George F. Will wrote one of the most informed opinion pieces of our day and age.

"Dealers, a.k.a. “pushers,” have almost nothing to do with initiating drug use by future addicts; almost every user starts when given drugs by a friend, sibling or acquaintance. There is a staggering disparity between the trivial sums earned by dealers who connect the cartels to the cartels’ customers and the huge sums trying to slow the flow of drugs to those street-level dealers. Kleiman, Caulkins and Hawken say that, in developed nations, cocaine sells for about $3,000 per ounce — almost twice the price of gold. And the supply of cocaine, unlike that of gold, can be cheaply and quickly expanded. But in the countries where cocaine and heroin are produced, they sell for about 1 percent of their retail price in the United States. If cocaine were legalized, a $2,000 kilogram could be FedExed from Colombia for less than $50 and sold profitably here for a small markup from its price in Colombia, and a $5 rock of crack might cost 25 cents. Criminalization drives the cost of the smuggled kilogram in the United States up to $20,000. But then it retails for more than $100,000.”

Any product that generates a markup of that magnitude under legislation gains support for the legislation by the producers of said product. Those that sit in the position to keep that markup in place then become the targets of the producers of this product and become bought.
So, in essence, when we continue to support criminalization of drugs, we are essentially on the same side as the men and women who are in charge of this product and this product’s delivery. Let’s face it, drugs can have a very negative impact on communities and legalization may lead to a lot of deaths at the beginning, but those deaths are destined to happen regardless of availability. They are happening at a slower rate now. One thing is true, if the drug culture becomes visible to our youth, those young people will be less inclined to become a part of that culture. Drug crime will vanish (the crime that derives from the delivery, manufacture and secrecy during criminalization). The crimes that exist due to drug use will continue to exist as is and be dealt with as is.
The money from drugs will cease to go to criminal organizations and terrorist groups. A lot of international crime will lose its funding. What is the downside here? 
I happen to be the type who sees the bad guys and wants the exact opposite as the bad guys want. I’d much rather an American make a living off of marijuana than see American money go south of the border to buy guns for a bunch of murdering degenerates. Wouldn’t you?

"And cartels have oceans of money for corrupting enforcement because drugs are so cheap to produce and easy to renew. So it is not unreasonable to consider modifying a policy that gives hundreds of billions of dollars a year to violent organized crime.”

This is not an easy subject to discern. What seems good tends to cause those that want good to lean on the same side as those that continue the evil of marketing deadly products that have no positive contributions to any segment of society. This subject requires careful thought.

The answer is simple once the information has been digested in its entirety. The criminalization of hard and soft drugs has led to the corruption of our own government. Citizens sit in jail because they played a role between the aggressor and the consumer. The drug dealer is not a proper target for law enforcement. Where there is a demand, the product will find a way to the person demanding it. When law enforcement criminalizes a product, law enforcement creates a economic dynasty where money becomes the power to deliver the product. Criminals then become successful and have the money to continue their success. The American drug dealer and the American drug user become the only victims in this poisonous culture that has been evolving toward more and more power for the aggressor since the initial criminalization of drugs in America.